JIMINATOR
04-30-2003, 12:36 AM
You can open all your own jars.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
Phone conversations are over in thirty seconds flat.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
You can be showered and ready in ten minutes.
You know eighteen ways to open a beer bottle.
Your underwear is $5.99 for a three pack.
New shoes don't cut and blister your feet.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the plumber is coming by.
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
The world is your urinal.
Old friends don't give a damn if you've lost or gained weight.
You don't give a damn if someone notices your new haircut.
You can kill your own food.
You don't need to pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You can write your name in the snow.
You know stuff about cars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Movie nudity is almost always female.
Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
The garage is all yours.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
There's always a game on somewhere!
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
Phone conversations are over in thirty seconds flat.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
You can be showered and ready in ten minutes.
You know eighteen ways to open a beer bottle.
Your underwear is $5.99 for a three pack.
New shoes don't cut and blister your feet.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the plumber is coming by.
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
The world is your urinal.
Old friends don't give a damn if you've lost or gained weight.
You don't give a damn if someone notices your new haircut.
You can kill your own food.
You don't need to pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You can write your name in the snow.
You know stuff about cars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Movie nudity is almost always female.
Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
The garage is all yours.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
There's always a game on somewhere!