V98ci
05-21-2003, 08:33 AM
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<p align="center"><font face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#FFFF00" size="4">
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I
</font><font color="#FFFF00"> </font></font></div>
<div>
<blockquote>
<blockquote>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00" size="3" face="Arial">What do you call two
Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.</font></div>
<font face="Arial" size="2"><font size="3"><font color="#FFFF00">
<div align="center">
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.</font></div>
<font color="#FFFF00">
<div align="center">
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.</font></div>
<font color="#FFFF00">
<div align="center">
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.</font></div>
<font color="#FFFF00">
<div align="center">
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
together?
100 people who don't do dick.
</font></font><font color="#FFFF00"> </font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
</font><font color="#FFFF00" size="4"> SOMETHING TO OFFEND
EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)
</font><font color="#FFFF00">
</font><font color="#FFFF00" size="3">What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.</font></div>
<font size="3"><font color="#FFFF00">
<div align="center">
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00"> </font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use
the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00"> </font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
</font><font color="#FFFF00" size="4">SOMETHING TO OFFEND
EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)
</font><font color="#FFFF00">
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A speech impediment.
</font><font color="#FFFF00">What does it mean when the flag at the Post
Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
</font><font color="#FFFF00">What's the difference between a southern
zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
</font></div>
</font></font>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
</div>
</body>
</html>
<head>
<meta http-equiv="Content-Language" content="en-us">
<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 5.0">
<meta name="ProgId" content="FrontPage.Editor.Document">
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
<title>New Page 2</title>
</head>
<body>
<div>
<p align="center"><font face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#FFFF00" size="4">
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I
</font><font color="#FFFF00"> </font></font></div>
<div>
<blockquote>
<blockquote>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00" size="3" face="Arial">What do you call two
Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.</font></div>
<font face="Arial" size="2"><font size="3"><font color="#FFFF00">
<div align="center">
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.</font></div>
<font color="#FFFF00">
<div align="center">
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.</font></div>
<font color="#FFFF00">
<div align="center">
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.</font></div>
<font color="#FFFF00">
<div align="center">
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
together?
100 people who don't do dick.
</font></font><font color="#FFFF00"> </font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
</font><font color="#FFFF00" size="4"> SOMETHING TO OFFEND
EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)
</font><font color="#FFFF00">
</font><font color="#FFFF00" size="3">What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.</font></div>
<font size="3"><font color="#FFFF00">
<div align="center">
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00"> </font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use
the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.</font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00"> </font></div>
<div align="center">
<font color="#FFFF00">
</font><font color="#FFFF00" size="4">SOMETHING TO OFFEND
EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)
</font><font color="#FFFF00">
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A speech impediment.
</font><font color="#FFFF00">What does it mean when the flag at the Post
Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
</font><font color="#FFFF00">What's the difference between a southern
zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
</font></div>
</font></font>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
</div>
</body>
</html>