Seriously Stoned
06-03-2003, 07:57 PM
Guy Rules
We often hear "the rules" from the feminine side.
Now we hear the guys'side...
These are OUR rules! Please note that these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentine's Day, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes at most. What makes you
think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,
would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please!!!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it and quit whining to your
girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is nor
do we want to know.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. . . ROUND is a shape!
We often hear "the rules" from the feminine side.
Now we hear the guys'side...
These are OUR rules! Please note that these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentine's Day, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes at most. What makes you
think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,
would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please!!!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it and quit whining to your
girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is nor
do we want to know.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. . . ROUND is a shape!