OUTLAWS CHICO
07-07-2003, 01:40 AM
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads. We
have naively thought it had something to do with their religion. The
true story has just been revealed by the Indian Embassy in Washington.
When one of these women gets married, on her wedding, the husband
scratches off the red spot to see if he has won a convenience store, a
gas station, or a motel in Florida.
==============
Is yer paw home?" the farmer asked. "No sir he ain't," the boy replied.
"He went to town." "Well said the farmer, is yer maw here?" "No, she
ain't here neither. She went to town with paw." "How about your brother,
Joe, is he here?" "He went with maw and paw." The farmer stood there for
a few minutes, shifting from one foot to
the other, and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do fer
ya?", the boy inquired politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you
want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer paw."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "I really wanted to talk to yer
paw. It's about your! brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae,
pregnant." The boy
considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to pa about that," he
finally conceded. "But if it helps you any, I know that pa charges $50
for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don't know how much
he gets for Joe."
==============
A cowboy at a bar in Gallup, NM orders three mugs of Bud and sits in
the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in TURN. When he finishes
them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender
tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste
better if you bought one at a TIME." The cowboy replies, "I have two
brothers. One is in Flagstaff, the other in Farmington. I'm in Gallup.
When we left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember
the days we drank together. I drink one for each of my brothers and
one for myself." The bartender tells him
it is a nice custom. The cowboy becomes a regular, and always orders
three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day he comes in and orders two
mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back
to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "We don't want to
intrude on your grief, but we wanted to offer our condolences on your
loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns
and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's
just that my wife and I joined that Baptist Church and I had to quit
drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though!
==============
The Pope is having a shower. Although he is very strict about the
celibacy rules, he occasionally feels the need to exercise the right
wrist, and this is one of those occasions. Just as he reaches the Papal
climax he sees a photographer taking a picture of the holy seed flying
through the air. "Hold on a minute" says the Pope. "You can't do that.
You'll destroy the reputation of the Catholic Church."This picture is my
lottery win", says the photographer financially secure for life." So the
Pope offers to buy the camera off the photographer, and after lots of
negotiation, they eventually arrive at a figure of two million dollars.
The Pope then dries himself off and heads off with his new camera.
He meets his housekeeper who spots the camera. "That looks like a really
good camera," she says, "how much did it cost you?" "Two million
dollars." replies the Pope. "TWO MILLION DOLLARS!" says the
housekeeper, "They must have seen you coming!"
have naively thought it had something to do with their religion. The
true story has just been revealed by the Indian Embassy in Washington.
When one of these women gets married, on her wedding, the husband
scratches off the red spot to see if he has won a convenience store, a
gas station, or a motel in Florida.
==============
Is yer paw home?" the farmer asked. "No sir he ain't," the boy replied.
"He went to town." "Well said the farmer, is yer maw here?" "No, she
ain't here neither. She went to town with paw." "How about your brother,
Joe, is he here?" "He went with maw and paw." The farmer stood there for
a few minutes, shifting from one foot to
the other, and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do fer
ya?", the boy inquired politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you
want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer paw."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "I really wanted to talk to yer
paw. It's about your! brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae,
pregnant." The boy
considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to pa about that," he
finally conceded. "But if it helps you any, I know that pa charges $50
for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don't know how much
he gets for Joe."
==============
A cowboy at a bar in Gallup, NM orders three mugs of Bud and sits in
the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in TURN. When he finishes
them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender
tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste
better if you bought one at a TIME." The cowboy replies, "I have two
brothers. One is in Flagstaff, the other in Farmington. I'm in Gallup.
When we left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember
the days we drank together. I drink one for each of my brothers and
one for myself." The bartender tells him
it is a nice custom. The cowboy becomes a regular, and always orders
three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day he comes in and orders two
mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back
to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "We don't want to
intrude on your grief, but we wanted to offer our condolences on your
loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns
and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's
just that my wife and I joined that Baptist Church and I had to quit
drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though!
==============
The Pope is having a shower. Although he is very strict about the
celibacy rules, he occasionally feels the need to exercise the right
wrist, and this is one of those occasions. Just as he reaches the Papal
climax he sees a photographer taking a picture of the holy seed flying
through the air. "Hold on a minute" says the Pope. "You can't do that.
You'll destroy the reputation of the Catholic Church."This picture is my
lottery win", says the photographer financially secure for life." So the
Pope offers to buy the camera off the photographer, and after lots of
negotiation, they eventually arrive at a figure of two million dollars.
The Pope then dries himself off and heads off with his new camera.
He meets his housekeeper who spots the camera. "That looks like a really
good camera," she says, "how much did it cost you?" "Two million
dollars." replies the Pope. "TWO MILLION DOLLARS!" says the
housekeeper, "They must have seen you coming!"