Pathos
08-18-2003, 01:03 PM
The clock is ticking... The curtain's raising... The scene is setting... The horses are grazing... The--
(We hastily exit for a timely toilet break. After a moment, we return to find the lights dimming. Thankfully, the corny tirade seems to have faded as well..)
Behind the scenes, the camera man flips his digital camera open, cooly taps his focus button, and we the privileged christ-i-really-need-to-be-inebriated-for-this-sh!t audience find ourselves in... where else but a SEEDY NIGHTCLUB! DARK LEVIATHAN is bopping away - we're not sure if we'd call it dancing exactly, and no one has been hurt yet, but you get the idea! Anyway, LEV spies an attractive woman walking in, hastily smoothes his greasy mop of hair back with some ever-handy saliva, and casually sidles up to her.
DARK LEVIATHAN (deepening his voice): Heya babe! The name's.. DARK LEVIATHAN!!
BABE: Hi DARK LEVIATHAN, I'm Nicole!!
DARK LEVIATHAN: I've got an apartment just around the corner, Nicole!
BABE (deepening her voice): I've got a penis in my underpants, DARK LEVIATHAN!
DARK LEVIATHAN (turning green): I did wonder about the three day stubble! Er... nice meeting you!
(DARK LEVIATHAN runs. He bumps into SALvation)
DARK LEVIATHAN: I almost picked up a chick with a dick!
SALvation: Eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
DARK LEVIATHAN: Second time this week - this sh!t ain't funny!
(DARK LEVIATHAN suddenly becomes faint, wobbles a moment -- a strikingly similar pose to his so called dancing -- and topples into SAL's arms)
SALvation: LEV?! LEV, what's up man?? Was she THAT ugly?
DARK LEVIATHAN: No more than usual! But no.. this is something else. I haven't felt this faint since.. since... oh no! OH NO!!!
SALvation: What?! Since what??? Don't do a River Phoenix on me, bud!
DARK LEVIATHAN: The serial! The Serial!!!!
SALvation: You heard the man, get him some cereal!
(WAITRESS rushes to get some cereal)
SALvation (calling after her): And make it Coco Pops - it's his favourite!
DARK LEVIATHAN: NO, you DICK! The Gamemecca Serial - The Chronicles! It's.. i think it's.. coming back! It's returning for one more horrific round!!
SALvation: What?!?!! NO! Oh god anything but that! Say it's NOT true! SAY IT BITCH OR I'LL---
(DRAMATIC MUSIC INTRUDES! A SHODDY, STAR WARS-ESQUE SCRAWL BEGINS TO WORK ITS WAY SLOWLY UP THE PAGE..)
READERS VOICE: Hello, boys... MISS ME?????????????????
DARK LEVIATHAN and SALvation (throwing their arms around one other, shutting their eyes and screaming as loudly as their effeminate lungs will allow): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O!!!!!!!!!
<center>
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Soggy Chew Toy Productions Presents....
SALvation and DARK LEVIATHAN in....
THE CHRONICLES OF GAMEMECCA!
BOOK III: Time and Time Again
-- A Slightly Oxymoronic, Completely MORE-onic, Multi-Dimensional Non-Epic --
READERS VOICE: Gee, sounds great.
<center>///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Also starring:-
...that loveable larrakin of misadventure ------> SIRC!
...that seamstress of heathenistic temptation ------> SEPRA!
...her whip-lashed boy-toy-come-guapo ------> JAG!
...that misunderstood, oddly funky one-man tirade of mirth ------> MERKWANNABE!
...the author who's left no decent bloody lines for himself ------> PATHOS.. [cough cough]
...and last but not least, BECAUSE NOBODY DEMANDED IT, fan favourite ------> MAD ZOMBIE FLOATING COW!!!
MAD ZOMBIE FLOATING COW: Thank you, thank you - it's an UDDER pleasure to be here!
READERS VOICE: Oh man! GROAN!
But wait READERS VOICE, because there's MORE! Yes, it'll all be Guest Starring:-
...the biggest name this side of Pauly Shore ------> Everyone Else!
READERS VOICE: God help us, one and all.
Coming Soon...ish!
(Check your local prisons and mental wards for forthcoming session times)
</center>
(We hastily exit for a timely toilet break. After a moment, we return to find the lights dimming. Thankfully, the corny tirade seems to have faded as well..)
Behind the scenes, the camera man flips his digital camera open, cooly taps his focus button, and we the privileged christ-i-really-need-to-be-inebriated-for-this-sh!t audience find ourselves in... where else but a SEEDY NIGHTCLUB! DARK LEVIATHAN is bopping away - we're not sure if we'd call it dancing exactly, and no one has been hurt yet, but you get the idea! Anyway, LEV spies an attractive woman walking in, hastily smoothes his greasy mop of hair back with some ever-handy saliva, and casually sidles up to her.
DARK LEVIATHAN (deepening his voice): Heya babe! The name's.. DARK LEVIATHAN!!
BABE: Hi DARK LEVIATHAN, I'm Nicole!!
DARK LEVIATHAN: I've got an apartment just around the corner, Nicole!
BABE (deepening her voice): I've got a penis in my underpants, DARK LEVIATHAN!
DARK LEVIATHAN (turning green): I did wonder about the three day stubble! Er... nice meeting you!
(DARK LEVIATHAN runs. He bumps into SALvation)
DARK LEVIATHAN: I almost picked up a chick with a dick!
SALvation: Eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
DARK LEVIATHAN: Second time this week - this sh!t ain't funny!
(DARK LEVIATHAN suddenly becomes faint, wobbles a moment -- a strikingly similar pose to his so called dancing -- and topples into SAL's arms)
SALvation: LEV?! LEV, what's up man?? Was she THAT ugly?
DARK LEVIATHAN: No more than usual! But no.. this is something else. I haven't felt this faint since.. since... oh no! OH NO!!!
SALvation: What?! Since what??? Don't do a River Phoenix on me, bud!
DARK LEVIATHAN: The serial! The Serial!!!!
SALvation: You heard the man, get him some cereal!
(WAITRESS rushes to get some cereal)
SALvation (calling after her): And make it Coco Pops - it's his favourite!
DARK LEVIATHAN: NO, you DICK! The Gamemecca Serial - The Chronicles! It's.. i think it's.. coming back! It's returning for one more horrific round!!
SALvation: What?!?!! NO! Oh god anything but that! Say it's NOT true! SAY IT BITCH OR I'LL---
(DRAMATIC MUSIC INTRUDES! A SHODDY, STAR WARS-ESQUE SCRAWL BEGINS TO WORK ITS WAY SLOWLY UP THE PAGE..)
READERS VOICE: Hello, boys... MISS ME?????????????????
DARK LEVIATHAN and SALvation (throwing their arms around one other, shutting their eyes and screaming as loudly as their effeminate lungs will allow): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O!!!!!!!!!
<center>
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Soggy Chew Toy Productions Presents....
SALvation and DARK LEVIATHAN in....
THE CHRONICLES OF GAMEMECCA!
BOOK III: Time and Time Again
-- A Slightly Oxymoronic, Completely MORE-onic, Multi-Dimensional Non-Epic --
READERS VOICE: Gee, sounds great.
<center>///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Also starring:-
...that loveable larrakin of misadventure ------> SIRC!
...that seamstress of heathenistic temptation ------> SEPRA!
...her whip-lashed boy-toy-come-guapo ------> JAG!
...that misunderstood, oddly funky one-man tirade of mirth ------> MERKWANNABE!
...the author who's left no decent bloody lines for himself ------> PATHOS.. [cough cough]
...and last but not least, BECAUSE NOBODY DEMANDED IT, fan favourite ------> MAD ZOMBIE FLOATING COW!!!
MAD ZOMBIE FLOATING COW: Thank you, thank you - it's an UDDER pleasure to be here!
READERS VOICE: Oh man! GROAN!
But wait READERS VOICE, because there's MORE! Yes, it'll all be Guest Starring:-
...the biggest name this side of Pauly Shore ------> Everyone Else!
READERS VOICE: God help us, one and all.
Coming Soon...ish!
(Check your local prisons and mental wards for forthcoming session times)
</center>