Blonde

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

A Side Order of Blondes
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.

Artificial Intelligence in a Bottle
What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?
Artificial intelligence.

Ash Blonde
How did the blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!

Bad Blondes, Whatcha Gonna Do?
A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

Bad Day Blondie
How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

Banana Peel
A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs.
"Here we go again."

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

Adventures in Disneyland
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

After You
''Have you heard my knock-knock joke?'' asked the blonde.
''No,'' said the brunette.
''Okay,'' said the blonde, ''you start.''

Air Head on a Beer
Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
All-Time Favorite Blonde Hijinx!

How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)

Another Dumb Blonde
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

Another Saturday Night
Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes?
Gives 'em something to do on Saturday night!

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

A Flaky Blonde
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.

''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
Bartender
A brunette walks into a bar and says, "Gimme an M L."
The bartender says, "What's an M L?"
The brunette says, "A Miller Light."
Another brunette walks in and says, "Gimme a B L"
The bartender says, "What's a B L?"
She says, "Bud Light."
A dumb blonde walks in and says, "Gimme a 15."
The bartender says, "What's a fifteen?"
The blonde says, "7&7, duh!"

Bigfoot and Blonde
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Maybe someday we'll find Bigfoot.

Blond Father
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

A Blonde's Brain At Work
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Blonde - Contractor
There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor came to her house they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors she would like. They came to the living room and she told him that she would like a nice, warm cream color. The contractor wrote something down on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled, ''Greenside up.'' The lady is a little confused, but doesn't say anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, ''I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark.'' The contractor writes something down on his pad, then walks to the window and again yells, ''Greenside up!'' The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, ''I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here.'' The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, ''Greenside up.'' The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, ''Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?'' The contractor replies, ''You see, I have four blondes laying sod across the street.''

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

911
Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

Blonde - Detectives
Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.
''Easy,'' she replied. ''He only has one eye.''
The chief was stunned. ''He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!'' He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.
''He only has one ear,'' was her answer.
''What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!'' He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, ''How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.''
After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, ''He's wearing contact lenses.''
This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, ''How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!''
''Well,'' she said, ''he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?''

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

the best for last lol

747
What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!

[FUS1ON]

Good one Chico :D

You must have gotten your email to working again :P

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

nope found these meself lol.

[OUTLAWS Dixie Chick]

:rofl:

[OUTLAWS Ada]

:hmmm:

[Thundarr]

:rofl:

[Pure_Evil]

:rofl:
http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/pencil.gif Now I know why this pencil is so happy!

:rofl: :drink:

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

Love ya. ADA and Dixie.

[Grimmy]

:rofl: Good ones Chico! :thumbs: