OUTLAWS CHICO
09-04-2004, 05:10 PM
From Dog to God....
Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
---------
Dear God:
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch...or is it going to be the
same old story?
---------
Dear God:
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the
colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often
do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so
hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
---------
Dear God:
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he
still a bad dog?
---------
Dear God:
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and
Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
---------
Dear God:
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
---------
Dear God:
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
---------
Dear God:
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
---------
Dear God:
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a
good dog:
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it
up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like
the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they
are tasty, they are not food.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's
license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying 'hello.'
11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when
company is over.
16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that
noise, it's usually not a good thing.
And, finally, my last question.......
Dear God:
When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
---------
Dear God:
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch...or is it going to be the
same old story?
---------
Dear God:
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the
colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often
do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so
hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
---------
Dear God:
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he
still a bad dog?
---------
Dear God:
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and
Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
---------
Dear God:
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
---------
Dear God:
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
---------
Dear God:
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
---------
Dear God:
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a
good dog:
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it
up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like
the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they
are tasty, they are not food.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's
license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying 'hello.'
11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when
company is over.
16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that
noise, it's usually not a good thing.
And, finally, my last question.......
Dear God:
When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?