Bingo
11-11-2004, 04:37 AM
Okay, working in Healthcare, these things tend me a little funnier than they may to some of you...however, most of these are pretty frickin funny no matter what. I had to comment on a few. :D I use <---- for those.
Actual clips taken from patient charts. Most of them involve just using the wrong word, or missing punctuation, however, they got a huge laugh out of me:
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. <---Realllllllllly. How astute of you.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male. Mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused an autopsy.
9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant, and infrequent headaches. <---But other than that?
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. <--- YEEEOOOWWW!!!!
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.
24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26. The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.
27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
29. Patient was seen by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. <--- ?????
31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
32. By the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had stopped and she was feeling much better.
33. Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
34. Patient complains of indigestion since last night when he ate a stake. <---Ya think??
35. Patient passed flatus... two short, one long. <-- For my next trick...
36. Indwelling urinary catheter draining clear yellow roses. <--- It really DOES smell like roses!
37. Examination of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot. <--- Is that a foot in your pocket....
38. Indwelling catheter draining large amount of urine the color of American beer. <--- Yeah, but at least it smells like roses, right?
39. MD at bedside attempting to urinate. Unsuccessful. (The physician was actually attempting to intubate).
40. The patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
41. Patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. <--- But other than that...
42. Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
43. The baby was delivered; the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Bingo
Actual clips taken from patient charts. Most of them involve just using the wrong word, or missing punctuation, however, they got a huge laugh out of me:
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. <---Realllllllllly. How astute of you.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male. Mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused an autopsy.
9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant, and infrequent headaches. <---But other than that?
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. <--- YEEEOOOWWW!!!!
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.
24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26. The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.
27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
29. Patient was seen by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. <--- ?????
31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
32. By the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had stopped and she was feeling much better.
33. Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
34. Patient complains of indigestion since last night when he ate a stake. <---Ya think??
35. Patient passed flatus... two short, one long. <-- For my next trick...
36. Indwelling urinary catheter draining clear yellow roses. <--- It really DOES smell like roses!
37. Examination of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot. <--- Is that a foot in your pocket....
38. Indwelling catheter draining large amount of urine the color of American beer. <--- Yeah, but at least it smells like roses, right?
39. MD at bedside attempting to urinate. Unsuccessful. (The physician was actually attempting to intubate).
40. The patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
41. Patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. <--- But other than that...
42. Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
43. The baby was delivered; the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Bingo