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Pure_Evil
03-25-2005, 02:16 PM
No sex tonight...

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

:jammin: :thumbs: :D
Red Dragon
03-25-2005, 02:18 PM
You have sex evrey night?
Aries
03-25-2005, 02:20 PM
:lol: :rofl:
Fragetti
03-25-2005, 02:32 PM
He he :)
Red Dragon
03-25-2005, 02:36 PM
No realy you do?
SoulReaver
03-25-2005, 02:41 PM
No realy you do? Who doesn't!?!?! :P
EXEcution
03-25-2005, 02:46 PM
rofl goooo pure
noldhor
03-25-2005, 03:05 PM
No realy you do?


Lol Dragon, yup i do:) almost every night hehehe
Red Dragon
03-25-2005, 03:14 PM
LOL me to. And it feels good!
Red Dragon
03-25-2005, 03:16 PM
Do you use condom?
I do cuz I have sex with my girlfriend and im 18.
she's 18 to.
Red Dragon
03-25-2005, 03:17 PM
Who doesn't!?!?! :P
kid's
LOL
EXEcution
03-25-2005, 03:28 PM
Do you use condom?
I do cuz I have sex with my girlfriend and im 18.
she's 18 to.
pic? :cool: :D
OUTLAWS 9.99repeating^32
03-25-2005, 03:38 PM
Wow, that was a really funny joke! Thanks Pure.
PJ'l_Master
03-25-2005, 03:38 PM
nice pure...although that may be hazardous to your health in the future *cough* LORENA BOBBET *cough*

and red dragon...you dont type like your 18 at all...thats interesting
SoulReaver
03-25-2005, 04:12 PM
kid's
LOL Or so you think, we have a "special" secret organization. :P Yeah I agree with Pj, you don't sound like your 18.
FUS1ON
03-25-2005, 04:23 PM
Great joke PE! :thumbs:
Die Hard
03-25-2005, 04:27 PM
Treat em mean, keep em keen. Nice one Pure. :funny:
Red Dragon
03-25-2005, 04:30 PM
I'm 18
And a condom looks plastic and it fits your you know what.
Caged Anger
03-25-2005, 04:37 PM
wow, no offense pure, but i never wanted to know that much about you, LOL
Goober
03-25-2005, 04:41 PM
I agree....Mr. Evil and Mr. Bobbit might have something in common soon. Unless she has a concealed carry permit, in which case soon Mr. Evil will be leaking around the chest area.
That was way funny Pure......made my day. If I was brave enough I would tell it to the wifey..... or should I say stupid enough.
JIMINATOR
03-25-2005, 04:56 PM
No sex tonight!
:hmmm: is the hand sprained? :hmmm:


:P
Pure_Evil
03-25-2005, 05:44 PM
:hmmm: is the hand sprained?


:P
:rolleyes:
You cruizing for a date again jim? :babe:

:D
Alexis SC430
03-25-2005, 06:19 PM
lol... that's pretty funny, but I would have killed you... :)

Still, it's funny as long as it is happening to someone else.
Alexis SC430
03-25-2005, 06:35 PM
BTW, is that story true or are you now single?
Pure_Evil
03-25-2005, 06:47 PM
BTW, is that story true or are you now single?


It was someone else :D

and yes, I'm single :woohoo:
JIMINATOR
03-25-2005, 06:48 PM
It was someone else :D

and yes, I'm single :woohoo:

and AVAILABLE!!! (hint, hint)

(I think Pure would like a younger woman...)
Alexis SC430
03-25-2005, 07:00 PM
Oh my... according to Pure's profile he's 37 years old!

NOW, I'm not saying that's like really old or anything; it's just that for some reason I assumed you were much younger. I made that same mistake with Die Hard.

Eeek! JIM's even older! But, that one doesn't seem quite as shocking.

Now, there's nothing wrong with being old people! I'm just saying is all!
Pure_Evil
03-25-2005, 07:16 PM
http://pages.prodigy.net/indianahawkeye/newpage46/11.gif37 isn't THAT old! http://pages.prodigy.net/indianahawkeye/newpage46/12.gif
EXEcution
03-25-2005, 08:10 PM
Don't get cranky pure!
noldhor
03-25-2005, 09:05 PM
Its a beginnig she took a look at your profile hehe:)
JIMINATOR
03-25-2005, 09:15 PM
On the other hand, if she likes virgins, exe is available... :hmmm:
Alexis SC430
03-25-2005, 09:18 PM
OMG... that is SO mean!
Die Hard
03-25-2005, 09:39 PM
Alexis, us older guys know what we're doing. :devil:

Apart from Jim, he just talks a good game :P
JIMINATOR
03-25-2005, 10:56 PM
Alexis, us older guys know what we're doing. :devil:

Apart from Jim, he just talks a good game :P
DH is just saying that because he is better at rounding up sheep.... :D
NightBreed
03-25-2005, 11:09 PM
http://pages.prodigy.net/indianahawkeye/newpage46/11.gif37 isn't THAT old! http://pages.prodigy.net/indianahawkeye/newpage46/12.gif


<------ :wave: 41 !!
JIMINATOR
03-25-2005, 11:16 PM
yup i think your right jim :thumbs: our newest member (Villains) Dolly
Oh my! Don't show that to DH or else he will go nuts!
Die Hard
03-25-2005, 11:19 PM
Nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Die Hard
03-25-2005, 11:20 PM
yup i think your right jim :thumbs: our newest member (Villains) Dolly
:funny::funny::funny::funny:
Pure_Evil
03-25-2005, 11:58 PM
Huggy is 1337! :D

don't worry Exe, your virginity is safe, I hear Alexis likes men who got game :D
Catalyst
03-26-2005, 02:15 AM
No sex tonight...

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.



:) :D LoL! Nice one....but one I won't be attempting too soon, because I value my life. :P :thumbs:
T I K
03-26-2005, 03:53 AM
LOL Pure!! :D hear ya there :doh: the poetic justice of it all!! :P
Thundarr
03-26-2005, 04:19 AM
Oh my... according to Pure's profile he's 37 years old!

NOW, I'm not saying that's like really old or anything; it's just that for some reason I assumed you were much younger. I made that same mistake with Die Hard.

Eeek! JIM's even older! But, that one doesn't seem quite as shocking.

Now, there's nothing wrong with being old people! I'm just saying is all!

Ahhh, don't worry Alexis, Pure likes his women sane anyhow...... ;)
Mad Fox
03-26-2005, 01:47 PM
I've learned way too much about most of your lives
SHOTGUNmaniac
03-26-2005, 10:44 PM
Lol Too much info..... But yet so very true.....nice 1 pure..
ME BIGGD01
03-27-2005, 06:10 AM
yo pure, that has to be one of the best i have read here:thumbs:
[SMS]Deryl
03-28-2005, 09:29 PM
I've heard that joke a few times...still funny though...
Nitro
04-05-2005, 04:19 AM
Do you use condom?
I do cuz I have sex with my girlfriend and im 18.
she's 18 to.
Are you really? Try again :P