Jokes

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

Wild Jamaican Sex!

>

> A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They

>> were touring around the market place looking at the goods and

>> such when they passed this small sandal shop.

>> From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say,

>> "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble

>> shop!" So the married couple walked in.

>> The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you

> would be interested in.

Dey make you wild at sex."

>> Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after

>> what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them,

> being the sex God he was.

> The husband asked the man, "How could sandals

> make you into a sexfreak?"

> The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Man."

> Well, the husband, after some badgering from his

> wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them

> onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes... something his wife>

> hadn't seen in many years!!

> In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the

> Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants,

> ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the

Jamaican's hips.

> The Jamaican then began screaming,

"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!! YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

Not Always As They Seem

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live
right and be helpful. His brother on the other hand was bad and did all
the things that men should not do in life and didn't care who he hurt
One day the bad brother died. He was still missed by his good brother
since he loved him despite his ways.

Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven.
Everything was beautiful and wonderful there, and he was very happy.

One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn't seen him there.

God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and
went to Hell instead.

The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his
brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there
was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one
arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.

Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me
into Heaven with you. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I
don't understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does
he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a
punishment".

God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. . .
The keg has a hole in it; .. . . --the blonde doesn't.




Fun Staff Meeting


The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.

The theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List.

With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.

The top ten were:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.

8. Viagra, Like a rock!

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs.

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

> Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow
> managed to hit his ball into the woods, finding it in a patch
> of pretty yellow buttercups.
> Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up
> thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
> All of a sudden...POOF!!! In a flash and puff of
> smoke, a little old woman appeared.
>
> She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long
> it took me to make those buttercups?
> Just for that, you won't have any butter for your
> popcorn for the rest of your life; better still; you won't have
> any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.
> As a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for
> anything for the rest of your life!"
>
> THEN, POOF....she was gone.
>
> After Dave got hold of himself, he hollered for his
> friend, Fred.
> "Fred, where are you?"
> Fred yelled back, "I'm over here, in the pussy willows."
>
> Dave yelled back, "DON'T SWING, FRED!! For the love
> of God, DON'T SWING!!"

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

This should be read out loud. I dare you to do it with
a straight face.
Petey was a snake, only so big.Petey lived in a pit
with his mother.
One day Petey was hissing in the pit when his
mother said,
"Petey, don't hiss in the pit, go outside the pit to
hiss." So Petey
went outside of the pit to hiss.
Petey was hissing all around when he finally
leaned over and
hissed in the pit.
Petey's mother heard Petey hissing in the pit
and said, "Petey,
if you must hiss in a pit, go over to Mrs. Pott's pit
and hiss in her
pit.
Petey went over to Mrs. Pott's pit to hiss in
her pit, but Mrs.
Pott was not at home so he hissed in her pit anyway.
While Petey was hissing in Mrs.Pott's pit, Mrs.
Pott came home and
found Petey hissing in her pit. She said "Petey, if
you must hiss in a
pit, don't hiss in my pit; go to your own pit and
hiss."
This made Petey very sad, and he cried all the way
home. When Petey
got home, his mother saw him crying and said, "Petey,
what's the
matter?"
Petey said, "I went over to Mrs. Pott's to hiss
in her pit but
Mrs. Pott was not at home, so I hissed in her pit
anyway. Mrs. Pott came
home and found me
hissing in her pit and said, "Petey, if you
must hiss in a pit
go to your own pit and hiss.
This made his mother very angry and she said,
"Why that mean old
Lady! I knew Mrs. Pott when she didn't have a pit to
hiss in.

[OUTLAWS Dixie Chick]

Good ones! :D

[Hammertime]

/chuckle

[FUS1ON]

:rofl:

[OUTLAWS Tip]

:thumbs: :thumbs:

[OUTLAWS high ping camper]

Thanks Chico. Great to start the day with a laugh. :)