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Thundarr
04-27-2005, 02:33 AM
Subject: American Courts



Got to be more careful!! These are from a book called Disorder in the
American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for
word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the
torment of biting their lip to stay calm while these exchanges were
taking place......

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July 15.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

__________________________________________________ _______

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo.

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?

A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition which I
sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

__________________________________________________ _______

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?

A: Yes.

Q: What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

__________________________________________________ ________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, practicing law
somewhere.

solid snake295
04-27-2005, 05:01 AM
:rofl: those last 2 are hilarious

Pure_Evil
04-27-2005, 01:02 PM
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?

A: Yes.

Q: What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

just made me smile :D

OUTLAWS high ping camper
04-27-2005, 02:15 PM
I love starting the day with a good laugh. Thanks Thundarr. :)

Aries
04-27-2005, 02:44 PM
:wootrock: fun and tricky reading

Dan2
04-28-2005, 05:03 AM
Good ones!!:rofl:

Die Hard
04-28-2005, 12:47 PM
Fantastic I love those, especially this one:

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition which I
sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Caged Anger
04-28-2005, 07:37 PM
good jokes