The blonde horseback rider

[OUTLAWS Dixie Chick]

The tale of the Blonde Horseback Rider

A young blonde woman decides to try horseback riding, even
though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse,
unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into
action. As it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde
begins
to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot get a
firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but
she slides down the side of the horse anyway! The horse
gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, losing her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap
away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her
foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the
mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck
against the ground over and over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground and she is mere
moments away from unconsciousness, to her great fortune, Frank,
the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse. :D

[Morpheus]

Haha...spike needs to post s'more of his jokes, i miss them. Nice one though :D

[FUS1ON]

Good one http://img121.imageshack.us/img121/6471/kneel5ex.gif

[OUTLAWS Spike]

Haha...spike needs to post s'more of his jokes, i miss them. Nice one though :D
you prolly mean Chico:thumbs:
nice one Dixie!:rofl:

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

hehehe and the question has to be asked ,Why do guys like blondes ? NOT. funny one Dixie

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

A blonde saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,
"How do you do that?" She responded . . .
"Simple, turn the keyboard upside down!"

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

Q: What do you call a blonde in a Volkswagen?
A: FarFromThinking


Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an "F" in sex.

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".
After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time she drove eight miles, shehad cleaned 43 restrooms.

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'

The Unites States government has issued a recall on all cars and trucks that have a headlight dimmer switch on the turn signal switch. The purpose for this is to cut the traffic accidents at night by 90%. Apparently that the 90% that they plan to cut is from blonds, because they keep getting their foot stuck in the steering wheel.

Q: Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A: Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

Q: What do blondes and turtles have in common?
A: When they are on their backs they are screwed.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine
(note from Zelo: for you REAL blondes out there that is the machine that makes ice in the ice-skating rinks!).

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says,
1. "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"
2. "Good thing that cows don't fly."

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn't know how to cook them.

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

[Morpheus]

Yeah, must've been Chico. I saved those, :D

[Dan2]

Good ones!!:rofl:

[Die Hard]

Blondage :D

Good ones :funny:

[Pure_Evil]

OMG, way too funny!:thumbs:

[Fifth]

Good ones :rofl: