Elephant Killer

[JIMINATOR]

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead elephant with a
pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked: "Did you kill that?".

The pigmy said "Yes."

The hunter asked "How could a little fella like you kill a huge beast
like that?"

The pigmy said: "I killed it with my club."

The astonished hunter asked: "How big is your club?"

The pigmy replied: "There's about 90 of us."

[JIMINATOR]

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her
life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to
bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he
realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do
you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that
could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.

"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in
the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter
drinks..................................And believe me, it helps me
sleep at night."

You gotta like Grandmas...........

[JIMINATOR]

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad!
Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most
beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After
dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at
your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful
wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom,
so I used to fool around with women a lot."

"Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry
her." George was brokenhearted.

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year
later he
came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting
married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and
broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George.

"I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid! He finally decided to
go to his mother with the news his father had shared.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he
complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my
half sister."

"Hee hee," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "Don't pay any
attention to what he says. He's not really your father."

[KAT]

ROFLMAO I love the last one... all very funny, thanks for sharing

[UncleSam]

:funny: - That last one is great!

[Die Hard]

Very, very funny :funny:

[OUTLAWS Dixie Chick]

:funny: Good ones Jim! :thumbs:

[Pure_Evil]

:D:thumbs: thanks Jimbo

[Seriously Deadly]

heh, funny :thumbs:

[T I K]

Good 1's Jim :thumbs: :rofl:

[Black Rose]

:funny: great jokes Jim :woohoo:

[OUTLAWS high ping camper]

Loved the grandma joke, the others were good too, thanks for posting them. :)