ME BIGGD01
02-06-2006, 06:09 AM
Hi all, happy New Year to all of you and hope all is well. As some of you may have noticed I have not been around (Geez, I hope someone noticed) I have had my hands full lately. I guess I could have stopped by once or twice but hopefully you can understand that I am not one to want to spread misery or bring people down during the holidays. I will not BS anyone and tell you things are doing great now because things are pretty damn tough. Probably the toughest I have experienced in my life along with knowing this is just the beginning. I hate being that guy people feel sorry for or take pity for my situation or my family. It is what it is and I guess at this point I still can not get a grip on the situation as a whole. Everyday from the minute I wake up it seems I can not grasp what is going on regardless of the new imposed daily schedule between getting my daughter off to school, getting as much hours in at work and just taking care of every thing I can. It seems things are getting harder by the day and not only is it depressing it has started taking a toll on me. I am mentally not capable as I was or do I have the energy to concentrate on many things I use to do. With regards to how I feel physically or mentally, I am sure it is nothing compared to how my wife feels.
So how is my wife?
Angela is stronger then I ever expected. She is walking around now and now can get my daughter ready for school which really helps me because 15-30 minutes extra sleep time is a lot these days. She can not bend or turn her head but hell, for what she went through being able to walk is fine by me. This was a big operation and I am grateful she was able to make it through that. She gets very tired after standing too long. And the therapy she gets is no help putting her in early menopause along with other things. She has a hard time sleeping due to the hot flashes and yes she can be a bitch at many times but its ok considering what she is going through. I get angry at many times or maybe just frustrated I am sure but cannot find it in my heart to argue. She has gone through the radiation on her back and they recently finished it up on her neck which took its toll on her. It made her back look as if she was BBQ’d. That stuff is now fading but the darkness is still there along with the incision scar going down from her hair line to her bottom back. We are going to find out late this month how things are going regarding the cancer and if these treatments are working. For anyone who knows about this ( I did not and am learning the hard way) the treatments are long and the wait is longer to know if it’s working. This is a hit or miss sort of thing that can and will frustrate you emotionally and physically. I truly can not explain it to anyone in full effect. A friend of mine gave me a number a few weeks ago that helps families cope with everything along with helping teach you some things. I decided to call this number last Friday and made an appointment to speak with someone.
If some of you thought I was anti government before, you should really have a listen to what I think. The health care situation still sucks in this country. For what any American has to go through is just ridiculous. I own a small business that is nothing big but makes enough to live on. In order for me to get health care through it would put me out of business. My wife was the primary holder through her job and due to her illness she is on long term disability. With long term, her employer no longer pays so we go under cobra where we now have to pay out of pocket. So now an additional 900 dollars has to be paid monthly and added to our monthly expenses along without having the other person able to work. This makes tough times tougher for any middle class family (I am really starting to think I am poor these days along with wondering what actually makes someone go into the poor or middle class range). On top of that even with the insurance, the co-pay to all the doctors each week and the prescriptions (and they are a lot) costs around 100 bucks a week sometimes more. So much for all of the taxes we pay. Oh and I will add this is not with any particular party because no matter who is in office, this seems to be ignored by them and usually us when we don’t need to pay attention to it until you are forced to. So much for such a great country which is constantly brainwashed into our heads when all they say “It is not what your county can do for you but what you can do for it” , it’s all BS if you ask me (ok I must leave this subject alone because I am getting hot).
Anyway, I just wanted to make a post to say hello to those that said prayers and wished good things in my family ordeal. Most of all I want to take the time to thank some special people that did something special during the holidays for my family. I can say I was shocked and I was depressed because in my life for anyone who knows me, I tried to be friendly and giving to others no matter what. I was always one of the first to give and share not for a label but just to do it because that’s really what I have been about since I was in my teens. I would help anyone out that I saw needed it. I would give to groups such as Game Mecca and other forums to make something special happen for someone. Most probably never noticed (which is the way I like) from some of the disputes I have had with people but none the less I always considered myself a giver to others because I knew I can or could. This time I was on the receiving end. I am not sure why it saddened me but I think it had to do with the reality of being human or that I needed help and I hated that. I actually did not cash the check which these people collected and put together for my family for over a month. I just could not admit that things were tough and this sort of thing was going on during the holiday season. The fact that helped me understand and come to terms with this was that these people are friends that care. I can’t explain my feelings fully but it really helps to know that there are people that care and want to help you. I have the card still on my desk and I read it once in awhile. I have never been chocked up like this before and reading the names on those who gave to help made me put them in a special list in my heart. There were many people on the list and one I did not expect which made me feel terrible for all of the ball breaking and fighting we had done in the past. To be honest and I will say it in front of all of you people that I considered myself a real piece of **** for this one person who I tormented and did a tasteless act to on game mecca forums putting his phone number in a post. What I thought was funny was nothing less of being a scumbag without class. That I will think about every time when ever I read his name on that list. The lesson I have learned from this reminds me of a story an older guy told me when I was 13.
How I remember the story.
“Dan, you can look at life like this. When you do something wrong to someone you should have a piece of wood around. Now with that piece of wood you need to hammer a nail into it every time you do something wrong to that person. One day you may notice there are quite a few nails in it and may be sorry for what you have done. You should always ask for forgiveness and apologize. For each apology you give and every one that person forgives you may take a nail out of the wood. There may be a time all of those nails are out of the wood and you can consider yourself lucky that the person has forgiven you. But if there ever comes a time where you may do something else wrong to that person, you need to look at that piece of wood to notice all of the scars left on it.”
This story I have always remembered through out the years and it hit home.
At this time I want to thank all of these people that did what they did.
Lash & Family
Goober & Family
Fragetti
Unfo
Pure Evil
Stryder
Moqarna
High Ping Camper
Sirc
Dissectional
Daevo
A-wal
Quaid
Linda Logan
I can not express my feelings or gratefulness enough to you people. You people have touched me in ways I can not explain. I thank you for your care, concern, and love. With that I am forever in your debt. I am hopeful there will be a day I will be back on my feet to return this to you one way or another. I apologize it has taken so long to get back to you but I am sure you understand what my life has been up to these days. I want you all to know that because of this, I consider you closer than a friend and I will never until I am cold dead going to forget your thoughtfulness.
I would also like to thank those that posted their prayers and thoughtfulness. I also will keep that close to me and remember always.
I hope those that actually read this and could care less do not look at this as drama but understand this is real life that I unfortunately have to deal with. I can only ask those to show respect as I give respect to these individuals.
I apologize to those that may have pm’d me or e-mailed me and got no response. It is not that I am ignoring anyone but limited in time and a hell of a daily schedule. I will soon respond or get back to you.
Thanks ME BIGGD01
So how is my wife?
Angela is stronger then I ever expected. She is walking around now and now can get my daughter ready for school which really helps me because 15-30 minutes extra sleep time is a lot these days. She can not bend or turn her head but hell, for what she went through being able to walk is fine by me. This was a big operation and I am grateful she was able to make it through that. She gets very tired after standing too long. And the therapy she gets is no help putting her in early menopause along with other things. She has a hard time sleeping due to the hot flashes and yes she can be a bitch at many times but its ok considering what she is going through. I get angry at many times or maybe just frustrated I am sure but cannot find it in my heart to argue. She has gone through the radiation on her back and they recently finished it up on her neck which took its toll on her. It made her back look as if she was BBQ’d. That stuff is now fading but the darkness is still there along with the incision scar going down from her hair line to her bottom back. We are going to find out late this month how things are going regarding the cancer and if these treatments are working. For anyone who knows about this ( I did not and am learning the hard way) the treatments are long and the wait is longer to know if it’s working. This is a hit or miss sort of thing that can and will frustrate you emotionally and physically. I truly can not explain it to anyone in full effect. A friend of mine gave me a number a few weeks ago that helps families cope with everything along with helping teach you some things. I decided to call this number last Friday and made an appointment to speak with someone.
If some of you thought I was anti government before, you should really have a listen to what I think. The health care situation still sucks in this country. For what any American has to go through is just ridiculous. I own a small business that is nothing big but makes enough to live on. In order for me to get health care through it would put me out of business. My wife was the primary holder through her job and due to her illness she is on long term disability. With long term, her employer no longer pays so we go under cobra where we now have to pay out of pocket. So now an additional 900 dollars has to be paid monthly and added to our monthly expenses along without having the other person able to work. This makes tough times tougher for any middle class family (I am really starting to think I am poor these days along with wondering what actually makes someone go into the poor or middle class range). On top of that even with the insurance, the co-pay to all the doctors each week and the prescriptions (and they are a lot) costs around 100 bucks a week sometimes more. So much for all of the taxes we pay. Oh and I will add this is not with any particular party because no matter who is in office, this seems to be ignored by them and usually us when we don’t need to pay attention to it until you are forced to. So much for such a great country which is constantly brainwashed into our heads when all they say “It is not what your county can do for you but what you can do for it” , it’s all BS if you ask me (ok I must leave this subject alone because I am getting hot).
Anyway, I just wanted to make a post to say hello to those that said prayers and wished good things in my family ordeal. Most of all I want to take the time to thank some special people that did something special during the holidays for my family. I can say I was shocked and I was depressed because in my life for anyone who knows me, I tried to be friendly and giving to others no matter what. I was always one of the first to give and share not for a label but just to do it because that’s really what I have been about since I was in my teens. I would help anyone out that I saw needed it. I would give to groups such as Game Mecca and other forums to make something special happen for someone. Most probably never noticed (which is the way I like) from some of the disputes I have had with people but none the less I always considered myself a giver to others because I knew I can or could. This time I was on the receiving end. I am not sure why it saddened me but I think it had to do with the reality of being human or that I needed help and I hated that. I actually did not cash the check which these people collected and put together for my family for over a month. I just could not admit that things were tough and this sort of thing was going on during the holiday season. The fact that helped me understand and come to terms with this was that these people are friends that care. I can’t explain my feelings fully but it really helps to know that there are people that care and want to help you. I have the card still on my desk and I read it once in awhile. I have never been chocked up like this before and reading the names on those who gave to help made me put them in a special list in my heart. There were many people on the list and one I did not expect which made me feel terrible for all of the ball breaking and fighting we had done in the past. To be honest and I will say it in front of all of you people that I considered myself a real piece of **** for this one person who I tormented and did a tasteless act to on game mecca forums putting his phone number in a post. What I thought was funny was nothing less of being a scumbag without class. That I will think about every time when ever I read his name on that list. The lesson I have learned from this reminds me of a story an older guy told me when I was 13.
How I remember the story.
“Dan, you can look at life like this. When you do something wrong to someone you should have a piece of wood around. Now with that piece of wood you need to hammer a nail into it every time you do something wrong to that person. One day you may notice there are quite a few nails in it and may be sorry for what you have done. You should always ask for forgiveness and apologize. For each apology you give and every one that person forgives you may take a nail out of the wood. There may be a time all of those nails are out of the wood and you can consider yourself lucky that the person has forgiven you. But if there ever comes a time where you may do something else wrong to that person, you need to look at that piece of wood to notice all of the scars left on it.”
This story I have always remembered through out the years and it hit home.
At this time I want to thank all of these people that did what they did.
Lash & Family
Goober & Family
Fragetti
Unfo
Pure Evil
Stryder
Moqarna
High Ping Camper
Sirc
Dissectional
Daevo
A-wal
Quaid
Linda Logan
I can not express my feelings or gratefulness enough to you people. You people have touched me in ways I can not explain. I thank you for your care, concern, and love. With that I am forever in your debt. I am hopeful there will be a day I will be back on my feet to return this to you one way or another. I apologize it has taken so long to get back to you but I am sure you understand what my life has been up to these days. I want you all to know that because of this, I consider you closer than a friend and I will never until I am cold dead going to forget your thoughtfulness.
I would also like to thank those that posted their prayers and thoughtfulness. I also will keep that close to me and remember always.
I hope those that actually read this and could care less do not look at this as drama but understand this is real life that I unfortunately have to deal with. I can only ask those to show respect as I give respect to these individuals.
I apologize to those that may have pm’d me or e-mailed me and got no response. It is not that I am ignoring anyone but limited in time and a hell of a daily schedule. I will soon respond or get back to you.
Thanks ME BIGGD01