BobtheCkroach
02-24-2006, 03:24 AM
Some great, funny medical stories! :thumbs:
. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her
underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I
was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark
MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they use to be,"
replied the patient.
Submitted by
Dr.Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr.Susan Steinberg,
Manitoba, Canada
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
that he was having trouble with one of his
medications.
"Which one?" I asked.
"The patch", he replied. The nurse told me to put on
a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA.
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she
answered..."Why, not for about twenty years, when my
husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient
replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr.
Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been
dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,
"Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a
short note on the
patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the
lawn."
Submitted by RN
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was
quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
embarrassment I unconsciously formed a habit of
whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this
exam suddenly burst out
Laughing, further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm
sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her
underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I
was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark
MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they use to be,"
replied the patient.
Submitted by
Dr.Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr.Susan Steinberg,
Manitoba, Canada
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
that he was having trouble with one of his
medications.
"Which one?" I asked.
"The patch", he replied. The nurse told me to put on
a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA.
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she
answered..."Why, not for about twenty years, when my
husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient
replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr.
Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been
dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,
"Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a
short note on the
patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the
lawn."
Submitted by RN
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was
quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
embarrassment I unconsciously formed a habit of
whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this
exam suddenly burst out
Laughing, further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm
sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener".