Die Hard
03-10-2006, 01:22 PM
Something for everyone hopefully :)
So I was having dinner with world chess champion Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot" . I said "I'll take that as a condiment".
Now did you know all male tennis players are witches? For example Goran, even he's a witch.
And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags. He's bisatchel.
So I was in Wal-Mart and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins. I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A seal walks into a club...
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amall." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amall. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amall."
So I was having dinner with world chess champion Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot" . I said "I'll take that as a condiment".
Now did you know all male tennis players are witches? For example Goran, even he's a witch.
And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags. He's bisatchel.
So I was in Wal-Mart and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins. I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A seal walks into a club...
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amall." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amall. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amall."