Sirc
03-21-2006, 03:03 AM
These may have been posted before, but if so, they are worth posting again. I absolutely loved the Get Smart series. A true classic. :D
Some of the quotes are particularly pertinant (or ironic) today. At least one is. Can you guess which one in particular?
Memorable Quotes from
"Get Smart" (1965)
Agent 99: Max, that knife missed you by inches.
Maxwell Smart: You think it's some kind of warning?
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Agent 99: You're not taking me on this assignment, are you, Max?
Maxwell Smart: No, I'm not.
Agent 99: But, Max, this is the biggest case that's ever been given to Control, it could mean the end of the world.
Maxwell Smart: If it's going to mean the end of the world, I want to make sure that you're all right.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: I'm sure Congress will reconsider our budget cut.
Agent 99: Well, why doesn't Congress cut the CIA's budget?
Maxwell Smart: How can they? Nobody knows what their budget is.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
KAOS Agent: Look, I'm a sportsman. I'll let you choose the way you want to die.
Maxwell Smart: All right, how about old age?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: I may never get to play with the Philharmonic, but on the other hand, is Leonard Bernstein licensed to kill?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: There are no holidays in the fight against evil.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: Max, you realize that you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Maxwell Smart: And... loving it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: You'll be in extreme danger every minute.
Maxwell Smart: ...and... loving it
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: I'm getting complaints from the landlord about the gun battles in the hall, and the bombs in the lobby, and the knife fights in the elevator.
Chief: Well, when you rent an apartment to a secret agent, you've got to expect those things.
Maxwell Smart: But he doesn't know I'm a secret agent.
Chief: Well, how do you explain people attacking you and shooting at you?
Maxwell Smart: Well, I told him I work for the Bureau of Internal Revenue.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: Max, this will undoubtedly be the most dangerous mission you've ever gone on. You probably won't get back alive.
Maxwell Smart: If you're trying to scare me, Chief, you're wasting your time. I don't know the meaning of the word fear.
Chief: You'll parachute from six thousand feet.
Maxwell Smart: I think I just learned it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: I'm sorry I'm late, Chief, but I was stuck in the car for almost twenty minutes.
Chief: I know, 86. The traffic.
Maxwell Smart: No, the seat belt. I can never get that darn thing unbuckled.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: Max, I don't know what I'm going to do about you. You bungle assignment after assignment.
Maxwell Smart: I resent that, Chief.
Chief: Do you deny it?
Maxwell Smart: No, but I resent it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: There's no telling where they'll be able to infiltrate next. May be even the Pentagon.
Maxwell Smart: You're right, Chief. But even if they do get a man into the Pentagon, that's not saying he'll be able to get out. I remember one of our own agents was lost in there for three days.
Chief: Three days? Max, no agent could be that confused.
Maxwell Smart: Well, let me see. I went in on a Friday...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Senator: Mr. Smart, how many arrests did Control make last year?
Maxwell Smart: I don't know.
Senator: Who's the number one man in your organization?
Maxwell Smart: I don't know.
Senator: How many cases were assigned to Control last year?
Maxwell Smart: I don't know.
Senator: What would you do if you were fired, Mr. Smart?
Maxwell Smart: They can't fire me. I know too much.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: Sometime I wish you were just an ordinary businessman.
Maxwell Smart: Well, 99, we are what we are. I'm a secret agent, trained to be cold, vicious, and savage. Not enough to be a businessman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: Oh, Max, how terrible.
Maxwell Smart: He desereved it, 99. He was a Kaos killer.
Agent 99: Sometimes I wonder if we're any better, Max.
Maxwell Smart: What are you talking about, 99? We have to shoot and kill and destroy. We represent everything that's wholesome and good in the world.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: Oh Max, you're so brave. You're going to get a medal for this.
Maxwell Smart: There's something more important than medals, 99.
Agent 99: What?
Maxwell Smart: It's after six. I get overtime.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: Listen, 99, did you find out anything about that restaurant that sold me the poison coffee?
Agent 99: Yes, Max. It was a Kaos front. They stayed in business almost a year just to get the Professor. Then they packed up and disappeared. Terrible, isn't it?
Maxwell Smart: It certainly is. They had the best prune danish in town.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Max suddenly shoots a window washer]
Agent 99: Max, what did you do?
Maxwell Smart: Just eliminated a Kaos agent.
Agent 99: Well, how could you be sure?
Maxwell Smart: Because, 99, my eagle eye picked out a few things that the ordinary person might not see. First of all, his sponge was absolutely filthy. Second, he was using horizontal strokes instead of vertical strokes. And finally, he was holding his squeegee with an overlapping lacrosse grip.
Agent 99: Besides, it's raining, and window washers don't work in the rain.
Maxwell Smart: I wasn't finished, 99.
Agent 99: Sorry, Max.
Maxwell Smart: Besides, it's raining, and window washers don't work in the rain.
Agent 99: Good thinking, Max.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: You can't do that, Chief. Hymie's my friend.
Chief: Your friend busted into my office, said he was going to kill me, smashed my desk to pieces, and almost strangled me with his bare hands.
Maxwell Smart: Well, I said he was my friend, not yours.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: Sorry about that, Chief.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: Missed it by that much.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Pfister: Won't you please sign my petition?
Maxwell Smart: I'm sorry, Mr. Pfister, but I can't sign that petition. Quiet is un-American.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: You're worth two 43s, 86.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: What are you, some kind of a nut who likes to watch people die?
Mr. Hercules: Yes, it's such a marvelous contrast to my own splendid good health.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: I'm not going in there. There are gollywoggles in there.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: A warped barrel is a fool's frustration.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Siegfried: This is Kaos. We don't *shush* here!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: How can we believe a man who would sell out his friends?
Siegfried: Dumkopf! Who else are you supposed to sell out? You can't betray enemies!
Some of the quotes are particularly pertinant (or ironic) today. At least one is. Can you guess which one in particular?
Memorable Quotes from
"Get Smart" (1965)
Agent 99: Max, that knife missed you by inches.
Maxwell Smart: You think it's some kind of warning?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: You're not taking me on this assignment, are you, Max?
Maxwell Smart: No, I'm not.
Agent 99: But, Max, this is the biggest case that's ever been given to Control, it could mean the end of the world.
Maxwell Smart: If it's going to mean the end of the world, I want to make sure that you're all right.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: I'm sure Congress will reconsider our budget cut.
Agent 99: Well, why doesn't Congress cut the CIA's budget?
Maxwell Smart: How can they? Nobody knows what their budget is.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
KAOS Agent: Look, I'm a sportsman. I'll let you choose the way you want to die.
Maxwell Smart: All right, how about old age?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: I may never get to play with the Philharmonic, but on the other hand, is Leonard Bernstein licensed to kill?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: There are no holidays in the fight against evil.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: Max, you realize that you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Maxwell Smart: And... loving it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: You'll be in extreme danger every minute.
Maxwell Smart: ...and... loving it
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: I'm getting complaints from the landlord about the gun battles in the hall, and the bombs in the lobby, and the knife fights in the elevator.
Chief: Well, when you rent an apartment to a secret agent, you've got to expect those things.
Maxwell Smart: But he doesn't know I'm a secret agent.
Chief: Well, how do you explain people attacking you and shooting at you?
Maxwell Smart: Well, I told him I work for the Bureau of Internal Revenue.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: Max, this will undoubtedly be the most dangerous mission you've ever gone on. You probably won't get back alive.
Maxwell Smart: If you're trying to scare me, Chief, you're wasting your time. I don't know the meaning of the word fear.
Chief: You'll parachute from six thousand feet.
Maxwell Smart: I think I just learned it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: I'm sorry I'm late, Chief, but I was stuck in the car for almost twenty minutes.
Chief: I know, 86. The traffic.
Maxwell Smart: No, the seat belt. I can never get that darn thing unbuckled.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: Max, I don't know what I'm going to do about you. You bungle assignment after assignment.
Maxwell Smart: I resent that, Chief.
Chief: Do you deny it?
Maxwell Smart: No, but I resent it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: There's no telling where they'll be able to infiltrate next. May be even the Pentagon.
Maxwell Smart: You're right, Chief. But even if they do get a man into the Pentagon, that's not saying he'll be able to get out. I remember one of our own agents was lost in there for three days.
Chief: Three days? Max, no agent could be that confused.
Maxwell Smart: Well, let me see. I went in on a Friday...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Senator: Mr. Smart, how many arrests did Control make last year?
Maxwell Smart: I don't know.
Senator: Who's the number one man in your organization?
Maxwell Smart: I don't know.
Senator: How many cases were assigned to Control last year?
Maxwell Smart: I don't know.
Senator: What would you do if you were fired, Mr. Smart?
Maxwell Smart: They can't fire me. I know too much.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: Sometime I wish you were just an ordinary businessman.
Maxwell Smart: Well, 99, we are what we are. I'm a secret agent, trained to be cold, vicious, and savage. Not enough to be a businessman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: Oh, Max, how terrible.
Maxwell Smart: He desereved it, 99. He was a Kaos killer.
Agent 99: Sometimes I wonder if we're any better, Max.
Maxwell Smart: What are you talking about, 99? We have to shoot and kill and destroy. We represent everything that's wholesome and good in the world.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: Oh Max, you're so brave. You're going to get a medal for this.
Maxwell Smart: There's something more important than medals, 99.
Agent 99: What?
Maxwell Smart: It's after six. I get overtime.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: Listen, 99, did you find out anything about that restaurant that sold me the poison coffee?
Agent 99: Yes, Max. It was a Kaos front. They stayed in business almost a year just to get the Professor. Then they packed up and disappeared. Terrible, isn't it?
Maxwell Smart: It certainly is. They had the best prune danish in town.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Max suddenly shoots a window washer]
Agent 99: Max, what did you do?
Maxwell Smart: Just eliminated a Kaos agent.
Agent 99: Well, how could you be sure?
Maxwell Smart: Because, 99, my eagle eye picked out a few things that the ordinary person might not see. First of all, his sponge was absolutely filthy. Second, he was using horizontal strokes instead of vertical strokes. And finally, he was holding his squeegee with an overlapping lacrosse grip.
Agent 99: Besides, it's raining, and window washers don't work in the rain.
Maxwell Smart: I wasn't finished, 99.
Agent 99: Sorry, Max.
Maxwell Smart: Besides, it's raining, and window washers don't work in the rain.
Agent 99: Good thinking, Max.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: You can't do that, Chief. Hymie's my friend.
Chief: Your friend busted into my office, said he was going to kill me, smashed my desk to pieces, and almost strangled me with his bare hands.
Maxwell Smart: Well, I said he was my friend, not yours.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: Sorry about that, Chief.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: Missed it by that much.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Pfister: Won't you please sign my petition?
Maxwell Smart: I'm sorry, Mr. Pfister, but I can't sign that petition. Quiet is un-American.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agent 99: You're worth two 43s, 86.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: What are you, some kind of a nut who likes to watch people die?
Mr. Hercules: Yes, it's such a marvelous contrast to my own splendid good health.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: I'm not going in there. There are gollywoggles in there.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maxwell Smart: A warped barrel is a fool's frustration.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Siegfried: This is Kaos. We don't *shush* here!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief: How can we believe a man who would sell out his friends?
Siegfried: Dumkopf! Who else are you supposed to sell out? You can't betray enemies!