Jokes

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

Subject: Brokeback Bar
>
>
> A cowboy walks into a bar, and two steps in he realizes it's a gay bar.
> "What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."
> When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name
> of your willy?"
> The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink.
>
> "The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me
> the name of your willy. Mine for instance is
> called NIKE, for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' that guy down at the end of
> the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really
> Satisfies.' "
> The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give
> him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his
> left who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"
> The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy
> asks, "Why Timex?" the fella proudly replies,"Cause it takes a lickin'
> and keeps on tickin!'"
> A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the two fella's on his right who
> just happens to be sharing a fruity Margarita and
> says, "So, what do you guys call yours?" The first man turns to him and
> proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job
> One." "Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
> The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!'"And
> gives a wink!
> Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes
> up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and
> exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer."
> The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look
> asks,"Why Secret?"
> The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A
> WOMAN!

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

St Peter looked up and over 1000 folks from New Orleans were
converging
on
the Pearly Gates.
Never having had more than one or two or three persons a day
from
New Orleans before, he ran to God and asked him what to do.
God told him, "Don't worry, St Peter. There's been a terrible flood
in
New Orleans. That's the reason for the large number of New Orleanians
showing up at once."
St Peter ran back to the Pearly Gates and then ran right back to
God,
yelling, "They're gone, they're gone!" God said calmly, "St Peter, those 1000 people from New Orleans could
not
be gone that quickly."
St Peter said, "No, the Pearly Gates! THEY'RE gone!"

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

The judge read the charges, then asked,
"Are you the defendant in this case?"
"No sir, your honor, sir," replied Bob,
"I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'.
I'm the guy who done it."

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

A man and woman had been
married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other
except that the little old woman had a
shoe box in the top of her closet that she
had cautioned her husband never
to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never
thought about the box, but one day
the little old woman got very sick and
the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs,
the little old man took down the shoe box
and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he
should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted
dolls and a stack of money totaling $25,000.
He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, my
grandmother told me the secret of a happy
marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you,
I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved;
he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box.
She had only been angry with him two times
in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with happiness. "Honey,"
he said, "that explains the doll, but what
about all of this money?
Where did it come from?"
Oh," she said, "that's the money
I made from selling theother dolls I made."

[OUTLAWS CHICO]

This should end all "3 Bears Stories"
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair
at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been
eating my porridge?!!" he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big
chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been
eating my Porridge?!!" he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch
from the kitchen and yells, "How many times do we have to go through this
with you idiots? It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who
woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it
was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put
everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air
to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the damn table,
it was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box,
and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag
your sorry bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's
kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to
say this one more time.

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET !!

[OUTLAWS high ping camper]

Thanks Chico. :thumbs:

[Siron Ex]

lol :D

[krazy]

:rofl: Nice Chico :D

[Mpulse]

Good ones, Chico.....

[smoke]

lol chico