Update - Post by BobtheCkroach

[Bingo]

This was a post made by BobtheCkroach while the site was in turmoil and it didn't carry over from that time. I'm reposting it here with his approval:


BobtheCkroach - 04/03/2008

Hey, I would have attached this to the previous thread I had going, but that's currently not available since we warped three years backwards :P


Anyways, i just wanted to let you folks know that unfortunately my wife had a miscarriage. For those of you that pray, we would appreciate prayers (especially for my wife. She's taking it like a champ, but I know it's hurtin' her. She has no greater goal in life than to be a mom)

Just wanted to let you folks know.

BobtheCkroach - 04/03/2008

[Bingo]

Sorry to hear the news... :( It happens ( to us also 17 yrs ago) for a reason, believe in that...
Stay strong...keep looking forward...

[Bingo]

Sorry to hear the news... :( It happens ( to us also 17 yrs ago) for a reason, believe in that...
Stay strong...keep looking forward...



Yep, we both believe that. My mom had one when I was younger, and while it hurt at the time, in retrospect we always point out that we wouldn't have my little brother if my mom hadn't had a miscarriage before him. There's always two sides to every coin.

Thank you for the warm words, everyone. :)

[Bingo]

Unfortunately, that is all I was able to get from this thread. I apologize for the other posts which I wasn't able to save.

[Death Engineer]

Thanks for reposting this Bingo. I missed it the first time around. Bob.... couple of comments for you having been through this both personally and many times with friends.

First of all, don't feel like you're alone. This is MUCH more common than people realize. Something like 50% of couples have a miscarriage of some sort before having their first child (many times not even realizing it).

Given that this happens as often as it does, it is kind of surprising that you don't hear more about it. I suspect it just isn't talked about because it's uncomfortable and painful. As an introvert and a "stuffer" (someone who keeps emotions locked up -- stuffing it inside until it explodes), let me say that not talking about this is the worst possible thing for either one of you.

We had 2 such miscarriages and honestly it shook my wife and I to the core. It raised questions about our faith, whether God was good, etc. It was a tough time. Just make sure you deal with it rather than ignoring/avoiding it. It will come back eventually if you don't.

Don't feel like you have to be the "man" and act like it doesn't affect you that much. Be man enough to let your guard down and really share your thoughts/emotions with your wife and/or someone that is a good listener.

My heart goes out to both of you for your loss.

[BobtheCkroach]

Thanks for reposting this Bingo. I missed it the first time around. Bob.... couple of comments for you having been through this both personally and many times with friends.

First of all, don't feel like you're alone. This is MUCH more common than people realize. Something like 50% of couples have a miscarriage of some sort before having their first child (many times not even realizing it).

Given that this happens as often as it does, it is kind of surprising that you don't hear more about it. I suspect it just isn't talked about because it's uncomfortable and painful. As an introvert and a "stuffer" (someone who keeps emotions locked up -- stuffing it inside until it explodes), let me say that not talking about this is the worst possible thing for either one of you.

We had 2 such miscarriages and honestly it shook my wife and I to the core. It raised questions about our faith, whether God was good, etc. It was a tough time. Just make sure you deal with it rather than ignoring/avoiding it. It will come back eventually if you don't.

Don't feel like you have to be the "man" and act like it doesn't affect you that much. Be man enough to let your guard down and really share your thoughts/emotions with your wife and/or someone that is a good listener.

My heart goes out to both of you for your loss.



Thanks for the reply, DE. To be honest, we're both taking it pretty well. It was (fortunately) very early on, so I guess we consider that a blessing - Britt has a friend at work that miscarried twins @ 6 months! We were only ~10 weeks along.

I didn't realize how common it was, but the doctor mentioned that most have one before having a child, even if they don't know (he actually told us it's closer to 3/4 of women)

As for feeling angry with God, we've been doing OK with that one. If I'm perfectly honest, the timing with this child was not ideal. I mean, obviously we were both excited - I mean, I was gonna be a Dad! - but we both sat down the afternoon after we found out and just let everything out, and one thing we discussed was that while we would have made it through, and would have been fine, we're gonna move this summer, we're trying to save for a house, etc....so maybe, and maybe this is just our way of making ourselves feel better - but maybe God just decided that this was the best way to deal with things? Maybe that's just rationalization to make everything feel a little better, I don't know.

In any case, we've been doing pretty well so far, and I have no doubt that that's the result of God and all the prayers we've received, which we greatly appreciate from everyone.